Parents’ Communication and its Administrative Psychology

The Psychology of Sending Messages to your Own Born (1 to 6 years old child)
by Yogi Bhajan

Communication is an art to develop understanding. It builds the community with a basic family. It creates the harmony. And it is the measure of the strength of the nation. Communication and its accountability is called politics. Within the society of nations it is called diplomacy. Within the family it is the only direct source of understanding.

We who are the mothers and fathers, when communicating with children, we tend either to communicate in a childlike manner or in an adultlike manner. We usually do not talk with the children projecting our status with respect and reverence.

For instance, a father may say to a son; “My dear son, we have a definite responsibility to understand the lunch situation today, and my proposal is…” or he can say, “Hey kiddo, we are lunching today. We have to do something. I do not know what.” Or he can say, “Hey, kid, talk to your mom about the lunch today.”

In every communication a child seeks security, understanding, humor, responsibility, recognition, reaction, and understanding of reaction. In all that, the parents, who are supposedly the head of the family, are supposed to create an environment with simple, direct communication in a happy and humorous way to take away the insecurity, fear, and scariness of a developing child in a situation he has to feel. Under no circumstances should rudeness and abruptness be used.

The maximum limit is that we can debate an issue, first individually on a one-to-one basis, giving the child the handicap of his or her age, minus the age of the father and the mother.

There has to be the utmost politeness, lengthy and detailed explanation, and understanding. For example, the child asks the father, “Father, what is my relationship to God? Is there any God? Does God do all?”  Then the explanation may be: “Son, there is a God and shut up!” or “There is a God and I have told you so” or “There is a God, and you ask this question so stupidly again and again” or “There is a God, and your mother can tell you; I have no time” or “There is a God; grow up and find it out” or “There is a God; don’t waste your time on it.”

These are normal answers. We can pose any answer out of it. But a real father shall not, I repeat, shall not communicate in this way. His answer shall be: “My dear son, as in the grass there is a milk, and you get it through the cow. As in the milk there is a butter, and you get it by churning it. As there is a fragrance in the flower, you get it by experiencing the smell of it. So everything is God. Such as you see that there is blood in the body. It is made out of the food, but God made the body which turns the food into blood. We humans can do it? That is why we restore the blood and the type of the blood because we cannot manufacture it. We did not make the device that the nose should be between the eyes and not in the toes. There are a lot of things, my dear son, for which the only explanation is God.”

“Now you are standing before me, my son. Raise one leg.” Naturally the son will raise one leg. Say it is the left leg. Then the father will say, “Raise the other leg.”  And the son says, “How? I cannot.” The father will say to him, “You see, my son, you can raise one leg. That is your free will—which one, that is your free will. But you cannot raise both legs. That is God’s will. You have to put one leg down to raise the other, though both are your legs. Or you can hang onto something with your hands and raise both legs, but in that you need a support. Therefore, in our free will we do something; in our general will we are dependent on each other.

We are called a family because we have to be familiar with each other. We are a society; we have to be social with each other. We are a community because we have a common cause with each other. We are a religion because we pursue, believe, and experience the same reality. We are people; happiness is our purpose. We are a nation because security and common excellence are desired by all of us.”

A good father and a good mother will take a question and answer it in an educated way to build a deep understanding in a child. It is like an investment in the future, and the answer should not make things go from bad to worse by creating a rude response, temperamental answer, shallow attitude. The answer should not hurt the child in any way, shape, or form — directly or indirectly.

It is okay to be parents, but it is criminal not to live as parents. Such criminology on the part of the parents creates insecurity, inefficiency, and all sorts of syndromes (neuroses) in the child. Through this criminal communication we damage the one we love the most.

Whereas we have to administer the life and future of the child, we must not forget that the administrative authority as parents has been given to us by the will of God. Therefore, it cannot be abused by our own free will and insensitivity and by using the excuse for our deficiency that we do not have time to communicate with our children. Because non-communication, bad communication, or shallow communication does nothing but cause damage and insecurity to the personality of the child.

You can well understand that from age one to seven years the cycle of consciousness gives a child security through communication. Communication with understanding and with the acknowledgement of educating and creating values makes it possible to give a person strength in relationship to his family, his society, the community, the religion, and the nation. It has to be done before it is too late.

It is very good to buy the child some clothes, or give him a hug, and a kiss or candy, or take him on a weekend trip, or take him to a game, skiing, or for a ride, etc. But the scar caused with one bad communication wipes all this out and the child bleeds forever.

Good communication is good manners. Good communication is good etiquette. Good communication is the measurement of the wisdom in one’s own self. Good communication is the best gift we can give to our child, the best strength on which we can lean, and the best future in which that child can live. The best communication is straight, simple, and should be said with a smile.